Forgive and Forget?

I have had a lot of conversations through the years with friends, family members, and co-workers about forgiveness.  I also recently received the following email from Jim's Daily Awakenings:

Do you know what an Etch-a-Sketch is? Perhaps you had one when you were a child. It is a toy that enables you to draw things on a screen by moving two knobs: One produces a vertical line and the other makes a horizontal line. When you manipulate the handles effectively at the same time, you can create a lovely picture.
The thing I like about an Etch-a-Sketch is if you do not like the picture you make, all you have to do is shake it and then the picture goes away. Every time I see an Etch-a-Sketch I think about how wonderful forgiveness is.
The good news is that the One who made you has a great pardon without parole program. He gave us the chance to start over on the same terms that we had at the beginning.

This really made me think.  I love the idea behind this email and I understand that as a Christian this is the ideal that I should strive for but at my core I am human.  I may forgive but unlike an etch-a-sketch I can't just wipe the slate clean.  Sometimes the deed that needs forgiving is too deeply etched to simply go away.  Does that mean that I hold on to the hurt?  No, I strive for forgiveness, not so much to ease them but to ease myself.  I know that holding onto hate and anger causes me more damage than it does them and besides, I don't want that other person to have that much power over my life.  However, forgiveness can't always equal forgetting.  Simple hurts can be forgiven and forgotten but others just can't.  Does this make me a bad Christian? I certainly hope not but if it does I will just have to live with that.

One Thing Doesn't Mean Another

So here is the situation that I am in currently.  I have a job and I enjoy the job that I have and for the most part I really enjoy the people that I work with at this job.  I am also going to school and I am already making plans to leave my job.  This change won't happen tomorrow but it will happen sooner rather than later.  But all of this doesn't mean that I don't appreciate what I have or the opportunities that it has presented to me.  I think that sometimes people feel like it is showing a lack of gratitude or something of the sort to move on.  For me, the realization that I didn't want to move up into a management position at my current job was what sealed for me that I was at the wrong place.  If I have no desire to advance then perhaps this is not the place I should be long term.  SO this is what prompted me to go back to school.  I long for a job and a career that offer me more flexibility in life.  I want to be able to take a two week vacation, take a mission trip somewhere, to spend holidays with my family without having to worry about if so and so is already off, to take my birthday off, or whatever.  I don't think that these are things that are too crazy to ask for out of life and a job.  I want to have something that gives me the freedom to see beyond a desk and to feel like what I am doing has some sort of greater meaning.  This is in no way a knock to this job or the people that do it.  These are just my feelings on it. 

So in the meantime I work like crazy to get my education and reach my goal and also give 100% to my current job.  I do know that when I leave it will be bittersweet.  I think it would be impossible to walk away from a place you have worked for 17 1/2 years (when I finally do leave my job that will be the #) and not feel sorrow or a sense of loss.  However, that will be replaced with a renewed sense of opportunity for what life will bring.  Is the idea of this scary?  Heck yes it is scary.  Change is scary but worth it.  What is the old cliché? I would rather live with failure than regret?  Anytime you make a change you set yourself up for failure but that is life.  You make the big changes, you leave your comfort zone, you try new things, or you don't but just make sure that whatever you decide you don't do it out of fear.  Fear is no way to lead a life.  So this is me...dealing with the fear and pushing.  Pushing towards something better, pushing towards the unknown, pushing towards a life without regrets, finally.